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Uncategorized, Words

Week 6: Fixing headlines and lists

I. Three examples online of poor headlines

1.
Headline: Snoop Dogg’s son, 2015 four-star WR: Kiffin should have been fired ‘a while ago’
Problem: Too long, with too many details. General readers may not know what WR is. It is even more confusing because the article was placed as the top story in Yahoo! (below the carrousel)
Solution: Snoop Dogg’s son, a four-star recruit, approves of Kiffin’s USC firing
Source: SB Nation via Yahoo!

2.
Headline: Jane Austen ring to STAY in Britain after campaign raised £150,000 to stop American Idol star Kelly Clarkson taking it to the US
Problem: Too long, with one word unnecessarily in caps. The whole headline takes three lines in the website
Solution: Kelly Clarkson forced to sell $250K ring to Jane Austen museum (for Britain audience)
or
Kelly Clarkson forced to leave $250K ring in Britain (for U.S. audience)
Source: Daily Mail

3.
Headline: Dozens killed in Nigeria attack
Problem: it does not take advantage of the newsiest side of the story: that the people killed were students. With “dozens killed,” it sounds just as one more killing in a distant place.
Solution: Students killed in Nigeria attack
or if more space available: Dozen of students killed in their sleep in Nigeria attack
Source: BBC News

II. Web article that could be improved by deploying lists

Headline: Review: iPhone 5s is a great phone, but is it right for you?
Source: Los Angeles Times

This articles talks about one of the trending topics of the moment: how is the iPhone 5s, and how it does compare to the previous model.

In the third paragraph, the author states that the main differences are in three key areas: an improved processor, a better camera and a new fingerprint scanner, called Touch ID. Then, the author proceeds to describe each of these elements, and almost at the end touches on a least noticeable feature: its 64-bit A7 chip.

Tough the article provides useful information, the text looks dense, long, and does not invite to read it in its entirety. The solution would be an unordered list dividing each feature described:

  • Improved processor
  • Better camera
  • Touch ID
  • 64-bit A7 chip

III. Week 2 assignment: New headline and images

About Ana Rosa Thillet

I was born in Puerto Rico, wandered for some time through the jazzy streets of Havana, and now I live in Miami trying to make my way as a writer. I studied journalism, and currently work as a web editor. This is my second blog in WordPress, after Words and Places, which contained my works for the class Writing for Digital Media.

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